Muddling through the Muck

I have been encouraged to start up my blog again. I wrote this post before Christmas and I didn't post it for some reason. All of this is still true, so I'm going to put it out there.
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I feel like I'm trudging through sticky, murky muck. Just being is difficult. I don't know if it's the after effects of lack of sleep (from when my daughter was sick) or poor nutrition (too many pies!!!) over Thanksgiving. My body and mind feel like they are rebelling.

Yes...this passage pretty much sums it up. 

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out."  

Rom. 7:15-18 NIV

image from http://laboringinthelord.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/My-Flesh-Rules.jpg

My usual "prescription" of knitting or crocheting with Bible study just isn't cutting it. I seem to sink deeper and deeper. I feel burdened by my repetitive sins and thoughts of them are veering me away from life and toward dwelling in muck. According to "the world", I haven't done anything horrible...just my "usual sins" of procrastination and arguing with God about what I should do, anxiety about what is to come and spending too much money on junk (specifically junk food!!) Though I feel like I'm sinking in the muck, I'm not hopeless. I'm finding little nuggets that get me through.

Later in Romans we are told how we can be saved from these thoughts.

"What retched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ, our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
Rom 7:24-25 NIV

So we need to just give it ALL over to God because Jesus has already saved us. Phew...felling better already.

Ooohhhh....the Temptation!

It's finally here...Cyber Monday! I'm really feeling the burning desire to sit at home and spend money. I'm beginning to think that Cyber Monday for spendaholics like me is similar to alcohol to alcoholics. I'm nearly twitching in my chair as I write this...I have a million other things I should be doing, but I'm thinking about all the "deals" that I'm missing out on. 

Yesterday at church, pastor talked about how we all have a few "troubled spots" in our lives that we keep coming back to. It could be out of control spending, anger issues, or other temptations. If we have temptations that we find ourselves coming back to time and time again, we should equip ourselves with the armor God has given us to fight such thoughts. Memorize scriptures. He suggested to start by having 7 scriptures that relate to our temptations or reoccurring sins. Amen. I really need to equip myself with verses regarding self-control. 

Be Content

I must say I was surprised the other day when my friend encouraged me to start blogging again. She said she liked to read what I was posting. Good to know!! You know who you are...and Thank YOU! So here I am "back in the saddle again" so to speak. I am down to only one class so I have a little more time to blog. 

Thanksgiving is over and the holiday rush to get Christmas presents is here. Last year I did tackle the Black Friday sales. I came away with a lot of things I didn't need (some I still have) and a horrible sickness that lasted a few weeks (probably from lack of sleep). I decided to skip that stress this year and stay home. 

I did have an ulterior motive for staying home...to save myself from ME. I must say I do have a spending problem. I'm really ashamed of how much money I can waste so quickly. I still have this burning desire to go out and "get the deals". More is better, right? No, I don't think it is. 1 Tim.6:8 tells us "But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."

Let's face it...I have a lot of really great coupons crying to be used today. Instead of using them for things I really don't need any way, I decided to get out my Bible. God lead me to that passage in 1 Tim. The next few verses go even further to say "people who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into may foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction." 1 Tim. 6:9 Interesting...so is it "bad" to go out and use my coupons to get things? After praying and meditating on this verse God pressed on my heart  No it's not horrible to go out shopping, BUT doing so could lead me astray in many ways such as wasting time driving and standing in line, fueling the desire to always want more or ignoring God and my family to get more things.

After reading this passage in 1 Timothy a few times my burning desire to run out and use those coupons finally subsided.

Dear Lord, let me see that you give me just enough for what I need. Help me to give more to others that are struggling just to live. 

Open my heart and mind to your gift of giving that YOU may be glorified through me. Amen.

He Brings Grace and Truth

"For the law was given to us through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." John 1:17

Wow! This verse pretty much sums up the whole Bible. God's law was handed down through Moses and his descendents. Jesus was born and replaced the old law. He brought grace to the world simply by having faith in the Lord.

So simple and beautiful. 

Live Like there's No Tomorrow

Love this song by Jason Gray "Good To Be Alive". It came to mind the other day at MOPS where the theme this year is Plunge based on 1 Peter 4:8 "love as if your life depended on it."

"I want to live like there's no tomorrow, love like I'm living on borrowed time"....beautiful lyrics! 

Though I have "down days" there really isn't time for self-pity, guilt or anxiety. I really just need to plunge into life and live like I'm on borrowed time. All the time God has given us here on Earth is a precious gift.

Delight in the LORD

I continue my slow progress on Jonah: Navigating A Life Interrupted by Priscilla Shirer. I felt defeated this morning when I realized I didn't feel well enough to attend church. I decided that I would not neglect my special Sunday morning time with the Lord and dug out my Jonah study.

I often think that I am very much like Jonah. Could I sleep in a boat in the middle of a storm to avoid facing my disobedience? Umm...probably. I'm actually very good at trying to "sleep away" things. It never seems to work. Life and God catch up with me.

A few points from today's video really struck home. First, Shirer said that sometimes the enemy entices us to do "good things" to avoid doing "God things". In other words, you might be doing some sort of serving (food pantry, Sunday School volunteer, etc) but it's not where (different country, different community, etc.) or with whom (with children, with Women, etc.) God wants you to serve. You are using another "good cause" to ignore God's command to "Arise" and "go" do what he commands. 

The other point that struck home with me was attitude. Jonah didn't really change his feeling toward Ninevah. Even when he finally went to Ninevah and followed God's will he didn't really want to go and help these people know the Lord. Shirer tells us to be like David and ask God to change our hearts.  
"Delight yourself in the Lord; and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4 
Shirer tells us this verse means we should ASK God to help us change the desires of our hearts to meet what the Lord asks us to do. We can do this through delighting in the Lord...submerging ourselves in his Word.

The third and final point that really caught my attention was how you know you are doing God's will. I have been struggling with this a lot lately. I'm very much a YES gal, so when people ask for help I have a hard time saying no. I have slowly learned to say "I will think about it" and pray before saying yes. Okay...so how do we know we're doing God's will? Shirer says that God gives us things that are challenging (outside our comfort zone) BUT that he will provide us the tools we need to get the job done.

I have felt the calling to be a nurse since I was in high school. However, I felt that it should come easy and I wouldn't have to work hard. I also thought it was a good career move because of job stability and pay. Don't get me wrong, I did care for people, but that wasn't my main focus back then. I have tried a few times to become a nurse and each time I hit a road block and ran the other direction. However, I have asked God to direct me these last few years. I've been praying for guidance and strength. I acknowledged that if this is the path He has for me that I can only do it with His help. Amazingly...doors are opening to me. It is still a challenge for me but things are falling into place. It is amazing how things change when you try to give it over to God and put it in His hands.

Dear Lord,
Please guide me and open my heart and mind to the task you have laid before me. Let me know that the journey will not be easy, but that I will have everything I need to serve You.
Amen.

Pride

The Lord has been pressing on me for weeks to release my pride and give glory to God for all things. I have been very stubborn...like a teenager rebelling or a two-year old throwing a tantrum. I have ignored the pressing feeling of pride for weeks. Yet over and over again pride has been a topic all around me. It was getting hard to ignore. I finally had a revelation last week that a lot of things I have been doing have been to make myself feel better than others - Pride. My eyes were open to a few areas of my life where I was held back because I wanted to accomplish them for prideful reasons. 

As I read through some verses on pride, I was shocked to find that pride was lumped in with such sins as murder and adultery. That was eye opening for me. 

"For from within, out of the hear of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride and foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man".   Mark 7:21-23 NKJ

Paul relates pride to the devil.

"not a novice, lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condition as the devil."
1 Tim. 3:6 NKJ

Once again pride is lumped with "lusts of the flesh". Such things are of this world and not from our heavenly Father.

"For all that is in the world -- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life -- is not of the Father but is of the world."  1 John 2:16 NKJ

Dear Lord, please let me give all things to you. All glory to You and set aside my pride. Let me do things for Your glory and not for my own. Amen.